I think I died a long time ago.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
