Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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