Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
