Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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