Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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