We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
