Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
