I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
