and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
