This is not my ceiling
My Higher Power is John Stamos
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
