I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
