i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize