a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
