So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
