Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
