I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
