i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
