She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
