Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
