Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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