Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
