Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
