After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
