i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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