Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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