tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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