My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
