Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
