i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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