we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
