On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
