I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
