I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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