How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
