um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
