Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i believe in u and ur pee
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
