I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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