I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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