We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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