he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
