So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
