You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
