dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
