I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
