Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
