I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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