1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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