best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
