you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
