My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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