i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
