Your dad touched me again.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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