he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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