you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
