quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize