He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
