The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
