You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
