I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
