Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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