Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
