Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
