If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
should my penis look like a turkey
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
