dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
