its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
