you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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