I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
