marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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