the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
