yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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