Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
