Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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