You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
