True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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